This post was most recently updated on April 7th, 2018
Before going into details of Love v/s arranged marriage lets see why marriage is necessary?
There are some reasons like.
1. A human being is a social animal likes to have some people (family) for himself to stay with. This is possible through marriage alone.
2. Continuation or propagation of a family is possible by marriage due to the birth of offsprings.
3. As actor Tom cruise-remarks, Sex is something important in one’s life; and marriage gives a chance to satisfy this individual’s physical need to the fullest.
4. Social integrity is sole for human civilization, and the society is nothing but a group of families in mutual harmony. Even economic and law & rules of the land hold good only due to families.
5. Marriage provides family which can lead to proper support for individuals starting from their birth, adult ship and old-age. Fathers can look after children till their self-sustenance and then these children can look after and support old-aged parents.
What is marriage in philosophical terms?
Hindu customs say that a woman marries a man indicating it is her requirement for her proper social stand or status.
Christian custom says, as per Saint Jesus Christ. “Marriage is one wherein a guy at his adulthood gets married and starts living a separate life from his parents. Both wife and husband live not as two but as a single body. They are united by the immortal lord and none should try to separate them.”
So it is a requirement of a man for his social stand on his foot without the parent’s support.
The present scenario is that both men and women wish to get married for proper support in his or her’s social existence including career up-growth.
Thus the present scenario shows that both men and women wish to get married for different reasons besides those that existed in the past.
So if your marriage is not a successful one, you will have made a terrible mistake. Because it can torment you mentally for valuable years ahead.
Love Marriage versus Arranged Marriage
This is a marriage with little negotiation between both families but with the mutual interest of both the partners.
In most of the western countries and few Christian Asian nations, this is the sole mode of marriage.
Among Hindus, this is quite a controversy since past. Even Lord Shiva, the Hindu god, was in love for marriage to goddess Parvathi. There was controversy even as per scriptures.
This mode of marriage is the commonest and highly successful in getting two individuals together. But it has a certain number of advantages and disadvantages.
♥ In many cases, there is excellent compatibility and understanding between the couple if both partners are well matured in thought.
♥ Both partners are aware of each other setbacks and strengths. So chances of dissatisfaction are low after marriage.
♥ The divorce rate is very high in these types of marriage.
♥ Fewer chances of familial attachments after marriage, i.e., with parents, brothers, sisters, etc.
♥ The number of parent-less or single parent children is more due to divorces. This has a tremendous influence on child’s attitude and growth. So, chances of poverty and violence during childhood are frequent.
♥ Sometimes because of mutual attraction and desire to impress each other before marriage, the couple might have hidden certain personal week points. Which when exposed after marriage can drastically reduce the trust and love leading to crush.
Arranged marriage or negotiated marriages
These types of marriages are common in Hindu and Muslim communities. Here both families search for a suitable partner for marriage. This is the oldest and also age-long tradition followed for centuries. These mode of marriages were not only meant to satisfy above requirements due to marriage but also aim for
1. Maintenance of family culture, traditions, fame, busyness or family work, caste, creed, etc.
2. Enhance bondage between two families wherein mutual support for all the members of the family is enhanced. This is not seen in love marriage because as every family member may not be involved in pairing the two.
♣ Keeps both partners relation intact with their parents, siblings, etc.
♣ Couple get help and support in times of need from both the families.
♣ During chances of misunderstanding between partners the families provide support and advice for reconstruction of trust, hope in between the couple and save marriage relationship.
♣ Children born have support not only from parents but also from grandparents, cousins, etc. This also builds inborn tendency of affection for the family among children and their concern for their future in connection with the family is awakened. So they are aware of their future role, career, etc.
♣ Sometimes the couple is forced into marriage even though they might not like each other prospects.
♣ The chances of domination and control over the interests of the couple together or individually are existent either by family or the partner itself leading to suppression of the interests.
♣ The bride or groom has to go through a lot of no’s or rejections in proposals to find a suitable partner. He or she might have to compromise in many aspects with regards to marriage partner and family.
♣ Many girls and boys are in a great struggle to get married and have lost their valuable age in search of marriage because they tried to mix up the requirements of both career and family equally.
Real love marriage advice
Some of us fall in love either due to attraction to the beauty or being impressed by character, capabilities, etc. The affection is so strong that it might be difficult to stay away from them.
But this is a temporary infatuation for period of few months to years. Because the same person or character whom we are a fan of now may not be liked by us in future or the nature of the said person might change. Haven’t you noticed in real life, that you liked someone for sometime, then hated him or her for few years and again you tend to like them latter. This change in affection is common due to circumstances and time. But marriage is a prolonged commitment of two individuals and hence must be based on mutual compatibility than mere attraction to each other. In general, there is always and attraction factor between a male and female, so give more importance to compatibility from all the angles like career, lifestyle, family, religious believes, habitat preferences etc.
Still, if you wish to get married to the person whom you are fascinated, it’s not a problem if you can cope up with him or her.
So have a test, that if you can be friends with them for a year or two. If you still feel that you can be happy with him or her then go ahead for marriage. But don’t think you can compromise with them forever. So during your test be as open as you are in your character and try not to impress them much.
My advice is that better to have your parents, well-wishers and true friends suggestion before your marriage and also introduce the person you have in your mind to them and know their view. Because they know you better than what you know about yourself and they can judge you if both of will suit each other. But do not be in a hurry.
Finally, remember that at the end of the day you are the cause of your consequences and situation in the life you experience. Other than parents love there are very rare relationships which are bound by true affection, sacrifice and trust.
So love marriage Vs. Arranged marriage is not the question. The actual question is whether the future relations provide as much affection, trust, cooperation and support in life?
All the best for your future relations :-)